Caspian Fashion

This weekend probably didn't seem like anything special to most, but to those Utah Fashionistas it was what they've been waiting for all year. It was Jared Gold's Caspian Runway event starring Lisa D'amato. I wasn't aware I was going, when I heard it was sold out my heart dropped; was I going to miss not only a Black Chandelier event, but his big fashion show? No, of course not. My crazy aunt Debbie met a very important person at the red party (hosted by the Cyber Sluts at Hotel Monaco) who told Deb she would not only get us in the VIP section but she would get us in backstage. Though each VIP ticket cost 100 dollars she only needed to pay for two. We got there an hour early, there was already a line to get into the general seats. Once we got backstage, me and Brighton were afraid to venture into the hairspray fog to witness couture in the making. We did of course, since when were we the types to punk out? At first I just felt like our 5'0 tall fatty asses were getting in the way but I realized we aren't celebrities to these people, they're from all over the country! We were important because we were in there without a press badge. From the moment we stepped into the room, my goal was to find D'amato. When we found her she was posing for pictures while getting her hair done. She called us over, she liked my DI leopard print stiletto boots. We talked with her about being fashionable even when poor until we were told to leave the area because we weren't with hair and makeup. We went back to our safety corner taking pictures as if we were paparazzi. A few minutes after they opened the doors to the public we went to go to our seats, I wanted everyone to see us coming out of the dressing room, I wanted their envy. I don't think anyone noticed, but it was okay. We had front row seats, down about half way from the front of the runway. We were sitting between a dapper bald man and a woman who casted the models. We talked with the woman about Highschool Musical because she did the casting, it was interesting. I didn't get to mention our school, (East Hollywood High) it would have been cool if she could come talk to our school about her job. Oh well.
We saw part of the Scenester army get escorted in by our friend Anthony, we loved how crappy their seats were. They saw us too, Fat Fire-alarm voice girl threw her arm in the air to flip us off. We didn't let it bother us because we were indeed much better than they were that night.We also saw "Gypsy girl" she was way in the back but she saw us as well. She was making faces at us, not bad faces though. She's so awesome with her cute outfits and weird accent. Everyone was there, our friend DJ Justin Strange wasn't, but all of our friends from Black Chandelier and our adoring fans were. (that's right, we have adoring fans.)
Deb got into a VIP seat, though she did not pay for one. She was sitting next to a very important person who happened to point us out to her. She didn't say "OH YEAH THAT'S MY NIECE AND HER FRIEND" she let him go on about how we were at all the events and how amazing we were, after that she mentioned she knew us. It's a pretty amazing feeling to be... well, famous! The people sitting near Debbie were people who either owned, managed, or worked at Landis salon. (fun fact: that salon is across the street from my hair place) two of them looked like famous people: Joe Trohman and Brandon Flowers... if they were gay.
We were able to say hello to our friends once they were done seating people, Trevyr looked so cute with his pony tail and yellow blazer, Hailey actually escorted us to our seat, and Anthony seemed a bit stressed out, it was nice to see him though. Once the fashion show started we didn't really care about anyone else but the models. We were little fashion critics; we talked about the models' walks, appearance, and overall presence on the runway. Lisa started out the show, her fur legwarmers just would not stay up, she didn't let her anger show. She also ended the show, that's when me and Brighton got to see her tits. Possibly the best pair I've seen ever. Despite Audry Kitchens' claims of being a model, she had the worst strut. She didn't move her arms and looked like a complete dick. The photo at the beginning of this entry was the best, she was so elegant and graceful. This show made me want to go into the fashion industry even more, it really truly did. After the show we hung around waiting to see some people, that and Brighton and Deb had to piss.
In the bathroom (waiting for them to finish pissing) these two girls came in and we started talking about my awesome boots and how I got them at the DI... I didn't get their names, come to think of it, but we had a pretty decent conversation. One of them asked me how she looked in her jeans, it was peculiar but I thought it was awesome that she would ask.
Brighton slept over so we could go to the SHOP W/ THE MODELS the next day. We were pretty stoked out to go, I was a little nervous. When we got there we immediately saw Jared and Aja , it was going to be a good time. A bunch of our Black Chandelier buddies were there, it wasn't as packed as last time. We saw a dance party in the back so naturally, we joined in. It was a weird feeling, jamming with Lisa D'amato to Gwen Stafani. We were getting our pictures taken by professional photographers, my mom, Clint Catalyst, and random shoppers with their camera phones. I quickly noticed we were the only fans that were interacting with the models... Probably because we're so much better than the normal people. B) We told Lisa that we thought her tits were nice, she showed us them and told us how they weren't real, it was so awesome! Ha ha. I don't know how it came up but we asked if we could sign her stomach, she said yeah and then she was having everyone sign her! Jared signed them damn tits, and a hella lot of people signed her ass. It was so chill; we didn't do much shopping, we did more talking with Lisa. She dished on America's Next Top Model, it was pretty interesting hearing the truth about Reality TV; she told us about how they told her she would win, but Tyra would hold her down. They told her to change who she was, she didn't of course, that's not how she does. So in the long run, it was good she left. She told us how she had a bad home life until she was 16 and she hasn't seen her terrible mother since... It was really sad but at the same time uplifting to know she could turn out extremely successful. Me and Brighton got her to sign our shit, she wrote "don't do what anyone tells you" "do your shit and do it well" "that's how we do" and "if you can't be a good example, but a horrible warning! Ha ha. LOL." Brighton got an accordion and I got a Next American Massacre Tee-shirt. :]
Before we left Jared thanked us so much for coming to all their events and we said goodbye to everyone. It was an amazing fucking weekend.

If I get another question about who are in the pictures with me, I'm going to explode. (part of why I wrote this blog.)

SUPA FLY DOBBL DEE.

take a breath now

So break ourselves down
And build ourselves up in disappointment
How fragile we are
So fragile we are, we just don't show it
Shake up this town
And shoot down the stars for our enjoyment
So sexy we are
So sexy we are, we just don't know it

Bad friend

I'm a bad friend, as most of my friends have already figured but don't have the balls to tell me directly. I usually blame my health, but maybe it's just that I'm a bad person. That might explain the hateful blogs written about me every other week. It might explain my choice to continue friendships with terrible people. It might explain why I haven't made friends at high school. And you know what? It could probably explain my health problems.
So I'm going to work on not being opinionated, let them make bad decisions, let their actions hurt me and the people around me, let them fight even more. Obviously, my caring, is actually hate that I like to say is 'care.'

Hey Brighton, just by the way, don't worry about me getting in your way anymore.
I'm gone.

oh dear

I don't want to wake up tomorrow.

Dear Emily

Dear Emily,
You're someone that I think very highly of, but I still underestimate you. If I could be like any person in the world it would definitely be you. I enjoy reading your blogs, I never thought I would, but even your sad blogs are bearable to read, maybe it's because they aren't directed at me, but you consider the readers of the blog, not just 'I'M IN A BAD MOOD SO I'M GOING TO SAY TERRIBLE THINGS.' You're always very literate, how someone can talk about experiences with me and Willy Kerber and say it with integrity and grace is beyond me.
Joey T reads your blog, and he barely reads mine. He always throws "Things my boyfriend says" quotes my way and I know he got the link from your blogger site.
But anyway, I don't know if I've ever told you how much I respect you, the friendship started after at least two years of hatred and it was mainly dirty jokes and stupid actions. That's all I really thought of you during the first part of our friendship "Lol, Emily is so disgustingly fun." but I totally think differently now, you're like a god, basically. I was really impressed by a recent entry about your breakup with David and the way you wrote it was astounding. You mentioned how it would affect everyone around you and listed the pros and the cons and then at the very end you said "And as for me, I won't be happy right now, but that's okay. I'll be alright eventually. Don't worry. It's not always about me anyways. Although this is, very much, sometimes, others deserve to get something too." It was like you went through the whole broken-up process in a few hundred words.
You're an incredible person with more problems than me, but you handle them so much better. I hope you never end up broken down, if I was religious I would pray for you to be happy and successful for the rest of your life. Even if you don't, I hope I can go through your difficult annoying life and we can sit over tea and forget it all, even if it's just for an hour or two.

Tea crew for life.

CD REVIEW

Since I'm such an amazing student in Computer Tech and actually got everything done (now I deserve the good grade I have, haha.) I decided to review this CD that I honestly was shocked at how good it was.
It's "Lies For The Liars" by The Used, it was released on May 22, 2007.
Unlike their previous uber-whine sound, they incorporated some Panic! At The Disco type sounds, apparently the 'circus' sound is in at the moment. But don't let th catchy pianos and violins fool you, it is a lot more metal that I'd ever expect from them. A lot of screaming, but light on the painful whining voice. They really upped their game on this one.
The album has 11 songs, The Ripper, Pretty Handsome Awkward, The Bird & The Worm, Earthquake, Hospital, Paralyzed, With Me Tonight, Wake The Dead, Find A Way, Liar Liar (Burn in Hell), and Smother Me/Queso.
When it comes to lyrics they have no in between, they're either very strong or very lame. They are still writing about the same stuff they always have been, wanting the girl to stay with them, violent themes, the afterlife, Burt's image of 'love.' The majority of the songs are catchy and get stuck in your head for days (so be careful.)
If you aren't a fan of their music, you should find someone who has the album and take a look at their album art work (not just the cover but the photos in the liner notes are incredible) if crack-voice-emo ever dies, Burt Mc-crack-a-lackin' could have a very good career in traditional art (painting, drawing, etc.)
The average rating (out of 5) is about 4 stars. I think I agree, I'd give it 4.5 just because it's hard for me to get passt Burt's not-so-great voice.
I'm going to go cry and listen to this album in shame because they're not allowed to be good.
(:

The Term hate-mail doesn't begin to explain

Dear Marie,
I'm going to get you. You won't see it coming, you won't know if it'll be a gun to the head or a poisoned food. All you'll know is that it'll happen sometime. I don't share, sorry honey. You've seen 'rock of love' I'm like Lacey but more devious and more capable of terrible things. Because I'm not on TV. Obsession is a truly bad thing but honestly, I rock it well. And you will not get in my way of my dreams. You should probably back off before I get to mad and I can't turn back. Do you know what you put me through last time? You destroyed my whole world, you're lucky you're still breathing. Stop attempting to steal my imagination, my happiness, my being. You're wading in a pool of dark infested water that will swallow you whole. No one escapes, ever. I don't care how alike we are, you better start humming hallelujah and praying I don't choose to burn down your house. I watch enough Snapped to know how to get away with this. You're messing with a master of disaster. I refuse to just give up on this and take enough drugs I forget, I'm putting my foot down and I'm going to fight for what's mine. If it makes you feel any better, you have an advantage, and a head start. But that's okay I've won wars that are impossible to win. You say "We can be friends!" No we can't sweetie, we're matter and anti-matter, we simply cannot exist in the presence of the other. I may be the anti-matter but I'm still more important than you.
I'm not letting this destroy me, I'm letting it destroy you. I have a few plots thought out of how to get rid of you, they're all quite simple and with all the people on my side, I could get away with it. It's your turn, this is a game of jumanji, one wrong move and you are dead. Keep on your toes and watch your back because sooner or later you'll be in for it. Oh you will.

Shut up

I'm holding my hand out to you
And you're walking away
You're moving your lips
But I can't hear a word that you say
My eyes are all filled
From the tears
That I spilled over you
All of these years
I just covered my ears from the truth

I don't know how
You could do this now
It comes at a bad time
You know me so well
So why can't you tell
That this is a bad time now
Hey don't even start
I'll tear you apart
This comes at a bad time
I don't wanna fight This doesn't feel right
It comes at a bad, bad time

Once you are out
You are out and
You're out there alone
You'll never get back
What you had
And you can't go back home
There's things that we said
In our head
That we don't have to say
Keep your thoughts
To yourself
'cause it's better that way

I don't know how
You could do this now
It comes at a bad time
You know me so well
So why can't you tell
That this is a bad time now
Hey don't even start
I'll tear you apart
This comes at a bad time
I don't wanna fight
This doesn't feel right
It comes at a bad, bad time

I don't know how
You could do this now
It comes at a bad time
You know me so well
So why can't you tell
That this is a bad time now
Hey don't even start
I'll tear you apart
This comes at a bad time
I don't wanna fight
This doesn't feel right
It comes at a bad, bad time
I'm holding my hand out to you
And you're walking away

abridged letter from Joseph

""Dear Diantha,

I am very sorry for everything I’ve done; I tend to f^ck things up with people I care about. I didn’t forget that we were on BUSY; I wanted to pretend we weren’t. Sometimes I just want to get away from this whole thing...Have you ever felt like that? I’m having a lot of fun, the THINGS are going great, but I wish I could just chill… And seeing you would have been a really nice way to get away from THE CRAZY DEALS. I still want you to come stay with me, we just can’t do it soon. Please don’t be too mad at me… :].

Now that I’m done with the ‘IM SRY’ part of it, now I can go into my amazing killer-boyfriend skills.

So, I know we had that whole… extremely painful fight and we kind of stopped really talking and you were all “Hiii Patrick, ily k? bffz? Yay. We’re so cool, and radical. F^ck you Joe!” but while I had time to think, I started feeling like I was missing something. I really realized how much you actually meant to me. Ever see that Seinfeld episode where George gets into that woman’s head where she didn’t really want him but realized that he had a lasting impression (ca-stands-sa!) well that’s how it kind of was. I’d now I don’t want to loose you; you’re an amazing person that doesn’t really get the credit you deserve. I want to be on your lamp again, I want to be your go-to guy when you feel down, I don’t want to be punched in the face and called a SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY by Patrick ever again, you know… How it used to be.

I promise you, you will be coming to Chicago sometime before your birthday we’ll have some hella fun. And before you come down -personal stuff you don't need to knowww-

I think I’ve said all I should say,

Joseph""

I can't loose, but give it your best shot

you laughed at my affections

while I passed by your direction

I should have known from your walk

it was the end of you

it's not that I don't respect your opinion

your quick with lips just rip me apart

sometimes like this I've got a big mouth

and maybe you can handle shutting it up

a simple contradiction could shake my whole foundation

Dobbl Dee can't loose

I'm taking back every step towards you

still failing at everything I do

in the meantime just talking to my shoes

converse with my Converse

at least they hear a word I say

and scrutinize it just as far as they can tell what I'm getting at

you've twisted my tongue around my neck for the last time

it's not that I don't respect your opinion

your quick with lips just rip me apart

sometimes like this I've got a big mouth

and maybe you can handle shutting it up

a simple contradiction could shake my whole foundation

but Dobbl Dee can't lose

yeah yeah

but this is the last song about you

the last song that I'll waste on you

frights and heights

Well, my fears have been forced into being decisions. I'm not going to Chicago, what's the point of making memories if I can't share them with the one person who cares? I've been scared of going anyway, I mean, new place... New people and no comfort zone. I can hardly breath in high school because I don't have anyone around me. Pikachu isn't enough to get me through it. Now, I'm not blaming anyone for this. I may not be that bright but I can think for myself, thank you. But it was the fact that my friend didn't want me to go pushed me to the conclusion of its not worth it. Now I'm just pondering how and when to inform Jew of the news... He was probably just joking anyway, he takes jokes too far sometimes. It's too much to hope for, I can understand why Brighton wouldn't want me to go (I'd say 'jealous' but that's so teenage drama movie, so I'm not going to) I would feel extremely left out if she went without me. But I felt like I could do it because I need something like that. I was expecting her to stay and West all through high school, or at least all freshman year. She's doing well at West, she'll complain once in a while but in general she's doing very well. I obviously, am not, so I wanted something to make me feel good. Something that I could remember when I felt like I couldn't make it through the day and it would bring me back. But Brighton's right, there are a lot of terrible things that could happen. She deserves to go to Chicago more than I do, I'd take it for granted.
*Now she's mad because I chose not to go, great. Now I can't do anything to feel better about myself. So now if I go and have a bad time she can say "I told you so" but if I go and have a good time she still gets the satisfaction of saying "I told you so." Wonderful.
She's transferring on the 26th of November and according to a blog of hers it's because of me, and now I feel bad because 'I don't realize what she's giving up for me.' Then just don't do it. No one ever does anything for me, I'm used to it. If you don't want to go then don't fucking go. I do realize that she's made lots of friends and West, she says she's giving up college. There are so many things wrong with that statement.
a. she didn't want to go to college last time I checked.
b.East Hollywood is a college prep school.
c.She's not doing well in her AP classes.
Just ach. So now I feel bad about everything I do. All I ever do is ruin people's lives, force them to do things they don't want to. It's /my fault/ Frankie is Trans-gendered, it's /my fault/ Brighton's dependent on someone she's never met, it's /my fault/ my mom is so stressed all the time, and it's /my fault/ that I am who I am.

I recently found out that all my medical issues could be related to seizures. It's not deadly, and it's something that can be treated. It's called Complex Partial Seizure Disorder. I get tiny seizures that last from a few seconds to a few minutes and it can cause a variety of things.

• A sense of Deja Vu
• A sense of Jamais Vu (the feeling of a familiar place suddenly feeling strange)
• Ringing or buzzing in the ears
• Hearing other sounds that are not there
  
• Smelling odors that are not there
• Feeling disoriented
• Feeling larger or smaller (like in Alice and Wonderland)
• Experiencing other distortions of perception (like the room is tilting or revolving)
• Experiencing sudden dilation of pupils
• Feeling lightheaded
• Tremor in hands, feet, arms, or legs
• Feeling a spreading warmth or chilliness
• Feeling as though the stomach is rising, heaving, or being 'pulled' up in the abdomen
• Feeling prickly sensations especially in the hands or feet
• Feeling sudden emotions that may not be related to the situation
  
• Seeing patterns or colors
• Suffering from sudden headaches, stomachaches, or other unpleasant or unusual sensations

We tried to place them all into a few categories: Migraines, ADD, and other. There are a lot of things that my mom has ignored because she didn't know what to do (frankly, neither did I.) And if this happens to be something I have, it's like everything is solved! Well not everything, I'm still a mess emotionally. As it is clearly stated through out this blog.


Luckily, I'm doing well in my classes. I am doing /much/ better with Exel and other Computer Tech things than I could have hoped for. I'm trying really hard to keep up in Intro to Film. It's hard to be assistant director when you're with a quiet director, your director of photography wants to do everything (including acting), and you've missed so much class. I made a promise to myself not to miss any more school until the movie is done, I can't make myself stay healthy all year but I can force myself to make it through the day to show all my teachers that I'm not a slacker and I really am trying. My Geography teacher says she understands that I'm trying but sometimes I'm afraid she doesn't... She's a tough teacher I wish I had her earlier in the day, I miss classes after lunch more often. It really doesn't help that I lost the assignments she asked me to do to get caught up; I'm too afraid to ask her for them again. I'm doing well in Math, luckily, I started stumbling a bit but I caught myself. We watched NUMB3RS for the pas two days, I like that show. The actor Charlie Eppes is adorable. :]
ah. I'm not crying right now, and I'm not furious, that's a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I can get all my homework done and my mom won't have to deal with my blubbering mess. But the bad thing is I know I will be when I go to bed reviewing the day and thinking about what I wrote.
I'd delete it all, but I put too much effort into it, you can't take back speech so you shouldn't be able to take back writing. I may or may not be going to Chicago, either way... I don't think I'll let anyone know.

So, Joseph and me (I started drawing me with my new hair style because I don't like mine anymore.




because I'm boring.)
I did it in MS Paint on my school computer w/ a mouse. I'm proud of myself.












Lets see. Hm. Ah. I'm feeling all pissy because I still can't get into my other one. ;.;
I doubt I used my fancy tophats email. but idk which one I did useeee. stink.








Oh I should talk about the picture. Joseph. Okay, so I may be going to visit, I'll bring Brighton. Mmmm Chicago. I stopped myself from writing a very long blog on th e subject, I deserve a golden star sticker or one that says GOO' JOB!
(:

fact:

There are 20-50, 000 cutie people on the planet Earth.
I want every one of them to love me.

HOORAY FOR DISGUSTING PEOPLE

!!Happy birthday!!
!!Assfuckbitchlee simcuntwhoreson!!

Me and my Joseph were discussing a rat head this woman found in a can of wal-mart greenbeans, we were wondering if there was a way to find such a can and some how dress the rat-head up to make it look like something like a meatball or something she'd eat. But, we don't want to be arrested for tampering and murder. :!
So then we started brainstorming otherways to destroy her birthday-spirit. We were sent into giggle fits when I mentioned 'Oh man, what if Peter broke up with her and ryan CABANA-CHAT came to save the DAY?!' Because, how awesome would that be
PPEETTEE. R U GUNNA PROPOZ 2 ME 4 MI BRTHDAI!??!?!
Um, ha. About that... Yeah I don't think this is going to work out. Sorry.
WAT?!?! OMG NO U DIDNT. DONT U LUV ME?! OMG. I CNT BELEEV U!!!!1
Yeah, so sorry. I have to catch a plane to Utah, talk to you later.
DADDDDY! DADDY HE'Z LEEVIN ME! KEEL HIM.
...Whoa shit. -books it-

We roleplayed. He was Ashlee of course. (:
Snibbos was Joe-simpson she was like 'MOOOWWWAGGGG.' because i was squeezing her because she wouldn't get into character. I was like 'snibbos. snibbbooosss. be angry. yell at me. yr fat. :@' and she was like 'what ever mang- WHY R U SQUEEZING ME!?! WHAT R U DOIN?! MOOOWWWW.'

Yeah anyway, I hope she gets alcohol poisoning and died today. that's all.
I'll pray for Peter, he's going to need my non-religious chit-chat with god.

Stupid teenage movie...

Josie and the pussycats.

This isn't a rant on about how much I hate that movie, because I honestly don't. It just pointed out a lot of things I'm insecure about in friendships, interests, and my future.
It was on the TV today, Brighton told me to watch it. I remember watching it with my cousin Cadee a long time ago but I didn't really remember anything about the movie. Watching it, I started getting this feeling in my stomach, one of those... awkward feelings. I didn't know why, it just was like painful. But as I watched it more, I realized what it was... My relationship /with/ Brighton. In the movie there's Josie, the main character who needs to be reminded of her talents by Valerie, and needed to be led by her friend's good vibes. But she's the front-man of the band (not changing it to front girl shut up) and she obviously will get most of the attention, whether the other two girls (Melody and Valerie) are just as talented and out-going. Valerie starts getting very insecure, unnoticed by everyone (I thought it was a racist thing, but Idk. They never approach it.) and it gets progressively worse as their fame skyrocketed.
Now I should probably start explaining how me and my friends fit into this whole thing (though, the only people who might read this probably already understand...) Me and Brighton are music junkies who want to make it in the 'biz. And I've become such a jealous bitch with everything, I am constantly thinking 'look at everyone look at Brighton, they love her not me, I shouldn't be here.' but at the same time I know that she kind of maybe needs me a little bit... Or I try to tell myself that.
I'm not musically inclined, I can sing just as well as Courtney Love can type and I am just not good with instruments, I'm just not! But I want to be in a band so badly, I want to change lives, I want to be told by some fan that I 'saved their life.' But I'll probably end up being one of those 36 year olds who think they still have a chance... But I digress, she wants to be in a band as well, she writes songs, sing better than me, plays bass& some guitar... I've been in the imaginary band (i assume) but I feel it's only because I'm the friend... Thats kind of the feeling I got from Valerie she was just the best friend and backup group. Nothing special.
So that's how I feel with basically all of my friends, I'm the backup group. They'd fail without me, but I'm not doing anything worth noting.

And towards the end, when they have Josie brainwashed and she says those things to them, I just got this image in my head... Being told that. It hurt so much, and then I thought... 'who said you'd ever get there, fag?' which really didn't help.
But of course, she some how shakes it and saves the day! Hooray! Blah.
I don't know, I'm a fat teenage kid who doesn't even know what gender they are... Of course I have to complain about everything.

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

happy birthday Meatloaf.
he's 56 today. :]

god complex

Well, it's been a couple days. I didn't feel up to writing about this topic when I got home that night. What happened? Well.
It was a Black Chandelier party, we were invited to Jared Gold's studio to see the works and they were going to present his new line for kids, Pink Chandelier. And me and Brighton were both personally invited by Jard Gold. So obviously we both had to be there. But it was on gallery stroll night, gallery stroll is something I do with Frankie (one of my best friends ever.) plus Frankie is a fashionista. So I decided to bring them both, from the moment I decided I knew it wasn't going to work out so good. One time I took Brighton to a normal Gallery stroll night with me & Frankie. She left early and had a major breakdown because her. and. frankie. do. /not/. get. along. period. But recently Frankie got mad at me and Brighton due to a misunderstanding. Brighton was having a bad day, I said something, she blew up. I felt like everyone was mad at me so I wrote that 100 apologies thing. Frankie thought it was a deviantart fight.
She makes some nasty remarks about Brighton, and it really hurt her. (brighton) She didn't want to really go anymore, but I forced her to. I then talked to Frankie, she thought I was uninviting her. No, I wanted her to go and to be courteous to Brighton because Brighton would do the same. I tried inviting as many middlemen as I could such as Emily, Chiny, Felicia, Just anyone who could be friendly to both of them, so I didn't have to be the only one.
Chiny was able to go... For an hour. Which was better than nothing, so we picked her up.
Right from the start Frankie was not going to have fun, you could tell by her face. She kept making comments that weren't very nice... But I expect it from her, it's just her personality. I tried very hard to try and make them both happy. But it felt like if I gave Frankie attention Brighton was pissed off, and if I gave Brighton attention Frankie would be pissed off. I was hyperventilating the entire time. Frankie clung to Chiny, they talked a lot. Brighton was in front with my mom (this is while we were walking from the Gateway to the studio) and I was in the middle, very uncomfortable. I feel very selfish complaining on how much I was uncomfortable. but I was really trying to make them both comfortable so I could be comfortable. Too bad Frankie just wasn't having it.
When we got there we went over to say hi to Justin Strange (the DJ who is basically amazing) and Frankie introduced herself as 'the other friend' I tried to correct her and introduce her enthusiastically. She was still down. One of the designers was showing how they design things on the computer, and what he typically does, something I would assume Frankie would be very interested in because she wants to become a fashion designer. But even then, she was sulking while me and Brighton sat there honestly intrigued. The fashion show was about to begin and Brighton (apparently) offered Frankie her spot so that Frankie could see better. She starts bawling and we have to take her outside. She is just inconsolable! I'm used to a lot of tears but it's over in a few minutes. But no, it was a full on break down! I felt terrible, I couldn't help, my mother was making it worse, it was just terrible. I knew something bad was going to happen. We finally called her mom, I missed the fashion show and Brighton got /alright/ pictures.
I felt really bad that Frankie couldn't have a good time. But at least me and Brighton were able to have at least a little bit of it. =/
I'm sorry Frankiee.

Velociraptor Had Feathers

Well now, I guess someone's going to have to remake Jurassic Park, won't that?

Why are these things accurate?

PISCES - The Partner for Life

(the Fishes - 19 February - 20 March)
* Caring and kind.
* Smart.
* Center of attention.
* High appeal.
* Has the last word.
* Good to find, hard to keep.
* Fun to be around.
* Extremely weird but in a good way.
* Good Sense of Humor!!!
* Thoughtful.
* Always gets what he or she wants.
* Loves to joke.
* Very popular.
* Silly, fun and sweet.


except for the whole... center of attention thing, though that's when I'm with another Pisces who's a lot prettier than me. So that makes sense. I never have the last word because I normally give in too easily.

selfish fuck

I wish my friends didn't start everything that's about me with the word "I."
I'd rather them say "Hey Diantha, your comments about (subject at hand) bothered me, lets talk this out, k?" Instead it's "I am offended, I didn't do this... it's (person also involved) fault blah blah."

Instead of trying to make me feel better they make me feel worse by telling me what I did wrong.
SHUT UP.



I can get nasty too, I wrote those apologies to basically /everyone/ I know. Not just one person, I realized what a terrible person I am and I'm sick of apologizing for the same things over and over so I wrote everything I could think of so if someone's upset with me I can refer them to number whatever.
Stop yelling at me.

100 apologies

1.I'm sorry for sharing personal lives in a creative way.
2I.'m sorry for stopping myself from saying hurtful things.
3.I'm sorry for 2004.
4.I'm sorry for telling people when I feel bad.
5.I'm sorry for trying to do things no one's ever thought of.
6.I'm sorry for my jealous tendencies.
7.I'm sorry for not being good enough.
8.I'm sorry you forgot my lunch this morning and I didn't have cash.
9.I'm sorry I told you I had a headache.
10.I'm sorry for coughing too loud, making you upset.
11.I'm sorry for insulting someone you enjoy.
12.I'm sorry for making you lie to me because "i'm a nice girl"
13.I'm sorry for getting your hopes up.
14.I'm sorry for trying to be good enough.
15.I'm sorry for starving myself.
16.I'm sorry for believing in you and everything you do.
17.I'm sorry for staying up late at night to help you.
18.I'm sorry for making you stay up late at night to help me.
19.I'm sorry for pushing you away.
20.I'm sorry for not hugging you back.
21.I'm sorry I was too shy to say hello in the halls.
22.I'm sorry I don't think you're all that.
23.I'm sorry I don't try to be just like you.
24.I'm sorry for changing the background on the computer.
25.I'm sorry for lying about all of my cuts and bruises.
26.I'm sorry I'm such a hassle.
27.I'm sorry I have so many flaws in every way.
28.I'm sorry for being a teenager.
29.I'm sorry I grew up faster than you did.
30.I'm sorry I crumbled before you did.
31.I'm sorry I'm so obsessed with you.
32.I'm sorry for being so fake.
33.I'm sorry for introducing you to everyone you love.
34.I'm sorry for hurting you too many times to count.
35.I'm sorry I'm not good enough to love.
36.I'm sorry for being more interested in the computer.
37.I'm sorry for not trying as hard as I could.
38.I'm sorry for playing pretend.
39.I'm sorry for giving you a chance.
40.I'm sorry for crying infront of you.
41.I'm sorry I let you smell fear.
42.I'm sorry for wanting a family.
43.I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you planned.
44.I'm sorry I can't stand you sometimes.
45.I'm sorry for mentioning your name 100 times to many times.
46.I'm sorry for stabbing your back.
47.I'm sorry I say things I don't mean.
48.I'm sorry I taking back things I meant.
49.I'm sorry for taking sarcasm too far.
50.I'm sorry for asking you to break my nose.
51.I'm sorry for leaving you because I hate a teacher.
52.I'm sorry for ever leaving you.
53.I'm sorry I get too emotional connected.
54.I'm sorry I cry at movies that aren't that sad.
55.I'm sorry I freaked out and made you leave too many times.
56.I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable.
57.I'm sorry for acting bad ass.
58.I'm sorry I'm an attention whore.
59.I'm sorry for pointing out small flaws.
60.I'm sorry I am so empathetic.
61.I'm sorry for not understanding.
62.I'm sorry for every time I called you names.
63.I'm sorry for worrying you over nothing.
64.I'm sorry I'm so stubborn.
65.I'm sorry I forgive way to easily.
66.I'm sorry I need you more than ever right now.
67.I'm sorry we embarrass you.
68.I'm sorry I fooled you.
69.I'm sorry I don't really love you.
70.I'm sorry for creating tension.
71.I'm sorry for laughing at all the jokes that weren't funny.
72.I'm sorry I'm not tall, thin, and beautiful.
73.I'm sorry I make myself and my friends look like dykes.
74.I'm sorry for copying your style.
75.I'm sorry for stealing your trends.
76.I'm sorry for pretending to like your music.
77.I'm sorry for bluffing I knew that band.
78.I'm sorry for wanting a god.
79.I'm sorry you can't be a god.
80.I'm sorry I pretend to have talent.
81.I'm sorry for making you feel sorry for me.
82.I'm sorry for leaving you with all my baggage.
83.I'm sorry I don't care for you as much as you do for me.
84.I'm sorry I wasn't at school that day.
85.I'm sorry for trying to think outside the box.
86.I'm sorry for thinking you were stuck up.
87.I'm sorry for judging you before I got to know you.
88.I'm sorry I'm so demanding.
89.I'm sorry I can't read and write as well as you.
90.I'm sorry I 'know what you're going through.'
91.I'm sorry for have bad teeth.
92.I'm sorry for being dependent on Sprite & a binki.
93.I'm sorry I enjoy the burn of alcohol.
94.I'm sorry for taking drugs for every little thing.
95.I'm sorry you have it so much worse.
96.I'm sorry for wanting to take it away.
97.I'm sorry for beating myself up.
98.I'm sorry for the way he makes me crinkle my nose
99.I'm sorry for being so amazingly lazy.
100.I'm sorry for writing this.

COOTIE BER BOOTIE.

So, hmm. New post. Probably a short one. (short compared to my other ones.) Another blog written in my technology class. This girl keeps saying the word 'man' because it's Era day and it's kind of /really/ pissing me off. No just that but someone is BLASTING their goddamn scream-o and it's giving me a migraine. Stupid fucking scene kids from hell.
Gaaaahhh. Anyway, I have the best outfit today, you don't even know. I'm wearing my skinny black pants, my houndstooth shirt, my blue rubbery boots, a white tee-shirt, my houndstooth bow-tie, two blue necklaces, and stupid emo-cutoff glovesies.
It's very nice, I'll post a picture later. I love me, I'm amazing. :D I was going to make quincy match (as many of my friends know I paint on him) but i kept his Sprite colors. I'll be changing him soon anyway, the paints starting to come off in some places; he doesn't look too nice right now.
He may be getting a brother! Since they came out with the new iPod nanos the original ones' prices will go down. Quincy is very full and I have lots of music. So I might get him a brother, I'll name him Jeritt in honor of Jerritt-jer [let me love you long time] but I'm not sure, we'll see. we'll see.
So my tech news. wanna hear it? Yes you do; PC World reported that Germany arrested ten people suspected of a phissing scam. The group targeted bank costumers with emails from organizations like eBay. They attached software to the emails that recorded the data on the host computers. They used the internet to get enormous amounts of money with a "Low risk" of getting caught. Obviously they were wrong because they got caught, got caught good. Hmm. So yeah. speaking of school...
The chances of Brighton transferring are slim to none, I knew something like this would happen. I might as well drop out, I've stayed at this school just because I knew she'd come here and get popular and making me popular. But no, the honors classes aren't good enough for her mom. Well fuck you. Ach, I need to stop complaining, at least I'm getting decent grades. I have an A in math, A+ in computer tech, B in science, D- in Geography (it's her fault, stupid bitch), and an A in intro to film. So I am doing pretty well over all I have a B.
That's really good for me, and it doesn't matter as long as I'm trying.
So, I have the worst tan lines ever. It's like a nerdy-slut tanline. So I have the back of my neck because when I go out in a teeshirt I don't take the time to put on sunscreen so my neck gets tanned and burned and such. And one time I went to Lagoon and I did put on sunscreen but I didn't put it low enough to cover my tits and I got a sunburn on the top of them. And it turned into a really dark tan. It sucked. So I bought some of that 'natural glow' lotion that makes you kind of tan. I've been using it for a few days now and DAYUM it's already working. I'm a very nice color, you don't even know. Now my Jewish family can't say "OH MY GAWWD. WHY IS SHE SO PALE?!" haha. Jews.
Short Little Neko Fucker.
(guess who said that and win a prize.)


Dobbl dee ♥sies.

Terrific

Well, I got a root canal done yesterday. It got off to a rocky start, they had some problem with their equipment so we had to wait an extra 20 minutes. My mommy was on the phone and didn't go in with me, so I was kind of freaking out. It sounded like they were getting ready to start digging in my mouth and I was busy thinking "I'M NOT ASLEEP PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT START." so I'd open my eyes every so often, and it turns out they were planning on doing the root canal to the wrong tooth... That part doesn't matter, anyway. They tape down my arms (so I don't freak out or something) But I didn't grab Quincy the iPod so when the song changed I started moving my arm. She untied me so I could grab him. I like to fall asleep to fall out boy, it makes me happy. But I don't like waking up to them, so I keep it on shuffle so I have to pass through all of the other songs. I went out to Hum Hallelujah. It was very enjoyable. After this, it went well. Why? Because I didn't wake up in the middle because the IV got clogged (Like last time.)
I missed school today because of the root canal, at least I got a good night's sleep. It was my fourth excused absence for my last two periods. So I am not allowed to miss any more, at all. It's a lot of pressure. It really doesn't help that my fourth period teacher is really anal about everything! I'm failing her class because I missed two days and she wasn't able to give me those assignments. Ach, I'll figure something out. I'm really trying this year, I really am. Luckily, I have some of the most amazing friends who love me and are willing to help me with everything. I'm so glad Brighton puts up with all my shit, if she didn't I'd probably drop out. I feel bad about not being there for her, she wanted to go to this poetry reading thing. Kyler told her about it, and she wanted to show off her amazing skills. And first of all: Poetry isn't my bag, I'm not good with that kind of thing. I don't trust Kyler at all, most of Brighton's male friends I've known longer than, or as long as she has... Neither of us know him very well. I was having a bad day, I was sick and I had lots of homework to do because [the day after] I was getting a root canal. She said it was okay, I didn't feel that it was. I'm either really clingy or not there. Never in between. ];
I really miss Frankie, I think in her mind 'giving me space' meant not talking to me at all. I love her, and hanging out with her... But she was getting to be too much. Now she's not enough, lol. We'll be seeing each other on Friday because it's Gay Bingo Night (with the Cyber Sluts. hella.) and it's become a tradition with us. This month is Cowboy month, it'll be lots of fun. Umm, I finally got to hang out with Chiny for the first time in FOREVER. We went to the street fair with Brighton and then I took her to the State fair and took her on her first Carnival Rides. It was quite fun. We got down to some hip hops and some rapping. It was awesome, I miss that girl. Soon BasketBall season will start and she'll be going with us sometimes... She'll most likely miss a few games due to her busy sport schedule. Now onto EMILY!! I never noticed how amazing her legs are. ha, that sounded funny, but it's true. We went to tea and she was wearing shorty-short-short shorts. To avoid sounding like a super dyke I'm not going to go on about how they're long and nice nice nice. me and Brigity kind of ditched her when she was taking her sweet time at the Street Fair. haha. I hope she didn't mind too much. BRINGING ME TO A RANT:
We stopped at this one booth, they were selling hemp pants. They looked very comfortable, I got to talking with the woman working there. She was very nice and very friendly. She said something about letting us have a drink with her and her friends and we were like 'copppa's are right there!' and she said 'because I'm a jew' and it was hilarious. She let me try a pair on, they fit so well! I loved them, they were comfortable and they looked nice. Gah. And she even gave me a discount, instead of $100 they'd be $80. So I told her I'd be back before six with my mom to buy them. (Six was when the fair would end.) Well we get there at 5:30... Her entire tent was gone. So I guess she didn't think we were coming back, it really ruined my day. Hmm. Anyway.
Joe Trohman shaved his beard, I'd like to thank myself. I've done everything in my power to let him know that he looked like a douche bag. Emails, calls, signs, comments, telling Dirty, etc. The picture to the left is a sign me and Andi took to the Honda Civic Tour. We made it right before we went. It's on a towel and we used sharpies and photo paper to create it. It's nice right? He flipped us off, but it was really a jester of thanks. Incase you can't read the text I wrote it says: It was supposed to say "shave the fucking beard" but we wanted to be good little children because we live in Utah. But we are very serious. Joseph Ma'k Trohman, you look like a super douche Dustin Diamond Look-Alike. We do not appreciate it one bit.
I, Diantha (fat chick on the -right-) loves you with all my heart and I would really see you ADORABLE again.
Thanks Bubsy ♥ DOBBLDEE+ANDIPANDI.
It's nice right? Now, how do I know she shaved the god awful beard? I was watching the VMAs secretly and it went to a shot of Fall Out Boy performing. I was expecting to see gross-o Beard and too-long hair. But to my surprise he's GORGEOUS. No beard at all. His hair was too long, but he styled it well. This is why I love that boy, and why he is going to marry me. If my nagging can convince him to shave, it can convince him to LOEV me. I really hate all of his fankids. They totally wish they were me. 2ce. They're like "Man, I can not compete with that Tankgrill look alike! He obviously loves her more than he'll ever love anyone else." Ha, I'm amazing. I love complimenting myself through other people. So this is another very long blog. But they're the best. Wanna know the blog of the week? Courtneylove.com's blog. Reasoning? She has more typos than a third grader. I love her so much, jesus christ. It's a pretty awesome sight, the layout and such is pretty amazing. So check it, check it out mang.
The end.

♥ Dobbl Dee let me love you long time.

Big fuckin' fans!

So, I've been riding the biggest emotional roller coaster ever! My flooded house is all moldy and smells like piss and dead puppies. They took out the little carpet pad and we have about TWELVE huge blue fans through our hall, bedrooms, and bathrooms. Not only are they big, but they make the house very hot and they're very loud. My mom mentioned possibly going to a hotel but that'd take too much effort. So I'll just stay on the couch. I just feel bad for my cates, they are so afraid of the hall, we moved their food and litter box into the living room because you cannot access our kitchen without going through the hall.
My mom was told today when her last day would be, November second. In some ways we're both very upset but in others... We're not. That job was terrible and hopefully her next one won't be. Which brings me to school: I'm adjusting to how much I hate it, I walk the halls with my head hung low. But I'm doing well in my classes (Other than Geography) and I have this weird feeling that I'm better than everyone else... Like I'm in on a secret that none of them know. I think it comes from my success in algebra, I haven't done so well in math since sixth grade so the fact that I got 100% on our last test... That made me really happy. It probably helps that people think I'm hardcore for piercing my own Bridge. Just because I don't fit into their little cliques and I happen to enjoy the musical styling of Fall Out Boy and Bowling For Soup doesn't mean that I'm worse than they are or I am not allowed to be just as loud as they are.

I wrote about the fair earlier, well I went yesterday. I got a second and a third and For Now and Down with "Beauty" . Problem I have with that? They're both in the same category and On Cloud Nine is amazing and honestly? Better than many photos there. The fair was a blast, I took Chiny on her first Fun House, and on all the carnival rides she's always been afraid to ride. We got our makeup done, it was all flashy and nice. She got like tangerine orange and I got 'icing' but I already had on orange/brown eyeshadow so it wasn't very blue. I bought some because I'm nice. We got all gangster dancing around to rap that sampled Crazy Train (ayyy ayyy ayyy.) Oh, there was this one photo in the gallery that really got to me... it didn't win anything... I think it deserved at least an honorable mention, it gave me chills. So even though they didn't win a prize, I just wanted to say that their photo was stunning and very personal and I am amazed that they were willing to enter it into the fair. For the people who can't tell what it is, it's a girl binding herself (to look like a boy.) I guess the judges were appalled by such an act. But I don't care, I loved it and I actually looked up the artist to tell them how incredible I thought it was. I hope she doesn't mind too much. Dealing with gender identity issues of my own and my friend's it was really ground breaking to see. But enough about someone else's work, haha.
I recently saw the movie "Hot Fuzz" And... Oh My God. That was an amazing movie; not because 'LOLZFUNNI' but because it had a good plot line, amazing camera work, and pretty great acting. I wasn't expecting all of the gore that was packaged into this film. I mean, Moses! I had a feeling there would be dying... But I really didn't expect to watch a rock fall onto a man's head causing it to explode! Nor was I expecting to see a woman's jugular cut into with gardening sheers! But it wasn't to a point where I wanted to puke, it was tasteful (well... as tasteful a horror/comedy can get.) Eh, the next subject can't be worked in to this other than I watched the movie with Brighton.
Okay so, Brighton is one of my best friends (as most know) and I am extremely protective of her. And she's had a far-away crush on this kid for a long time. It turns out he goes to my school and I found him on the MOISPASSE. I sent her the link because I knew how much she liked him, and I like to see her happy. Well of course they get along great but I get this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that he's not as great as she'd like to think. He's 16 and she's 14. It's not that big of a difference, I know. But when he offers her rides and all this other shit, I always think of the worst images that really shouldn't be running through my head. Him taking advantage of her, him getting in a car wreck, all of these awful things. Part of it is jealousy, she already has friends at MY school, not just that but JUNIORS nonetheless. I haven't even really made friends with any freshmen. Another part of it is my hatred of the third wheel, I'm going to be dragged to a poetry reading at 9 PM to sit there and feel uncomfortable. I'm not that artsy, I'm sorry! I don't like to hear people's dreary storiesss. But I guess I'll bare through it because I care about her. I don't want him giving her a ride home though, they'll just be meeting! My mom will be picking me up, and her as well. I don't care, I just don't care.
Ach, okay this has gone from a blog to a teenage rant. Next thing you'll know is 'OH MY GOD I'M FAT AND I WANT TO MARRY PETE WENTZ.'
ew.


(sorry for the shitty color coding, I didn't like how difficult it was to find the paragraphs.)
bysies.

Started this at school

I am at school right now and I created a blog. I wonder if I'm going to get in major trouble right now. Whatever. So, secrets.
Hello this is a document.
A document that I'm writing.
That I am writing on my school computer.
I am going to type a secret.
a secret about... 'focus factor'
It's just some addicting drug, that's why this give it out for free.
And when you're addicted, that's when they get you! $75.95 a bottle.
Dear Moses.


There is my secret.
Shhhhh.


My favorite thing about blogger is that it does auto save, when I accidentally navigate away, it won't be completely gone and I won't be FURIOUS. I also like the fact that I can use spell check, the other blog site I've been on would show me misspelled word but wouldn't let me see how to spell it right... Piss me off. The worst thing about it is I've made 3 and I always forget the email I used. So this time my username and email match so I won't be like 'oops forgotsies.'
My other blog (that I know of) is "Life is like a box of animal crackers."
I liked that one, but I screwed up my layout. (I tried to make it original but I stink.)
Last night me and Andi were protesting protesters. People either thought one of these three thoughts:
"What weirdos." "Lol, that's hilarious." or "What the hell?" A lot of people didn't get it. "Protesting what?" Everything. Your message has been heard.
It was mainly a joke, he had to do some sort of protest and document it. So that's what we did. Decided to be ironic. The police came after us saying we were disturbing the peace and we could cause accidents because people would be looking at us instead of the road. (Which was true, it scared me every time someone looked at us while talking on their cell phones.)
We used a little kid book to hold my door open because I couldn't find my key. Someone moved it so we were stuck outside. Andi's mom got there before we got in, but he had to get his backup sunglasses because his regular ones got broken. Good thing I didn't lock my home door, otherwise I'd be stuck in the hallway. Grrgly.
Patrick got an MSN and could it be any longer? It's something about constellations, I think it's a quote from a Cake song, I haven't gotten the chance to ask him yet.
Hmm.... I entered some photos into the Utah Fair, I am really nervous this time, even though they're amazing photos (According to myself and many others) the mounting is so awful! We had to do it at home, in like 10 minutes or we would have missed the deadline. We used recycled boards but thanks to Kinko's they weren't exactly 8x10. I printed exactly 8x10s. So we had to try and trim the boards using rusty box cutters. It was terrible. But here, take a looksies at the photos. The first one is called Down With "Beauty".
It's of a magazine photo (I think it was from Vogue) that me and a friend were burning. We just burned a bunch of pages, it was quite fun. And I liked the composition of this one the best. It's an add for like... cancer awareness so I kind of feel bad about it, but only a little bit because honestly, it's a nice photo and the lady in the photo is very symmetrical and such. I really like how the smoke is rising up where it hasn't burning through yet. :]

The second one is called On Cloud Nine and it's one of my most popular photos. I took it while on a plane on my way to New York City. The one I entered is a slightly altered version. I just messed with the levels, contrast, and color. I like how the brown is in there, it makes it look polluted and more relevant to today's headlines. The original is a lot softer and I let people use it as stock and people have used it in so many different ways. Someone even has it on their web page. The fact that so many people loved it told me that it had a good chance at winning even if it wasn't mounted very nice. You can find the original at: www.dinocruton-stock.deviantart.com
Clouds are pretty, shut it. :]

The third (last) one is called For Now and it's a picture I took at the Salt Lake in the middle of winter (wearing ripped up shoes and a light jacket.) my friend Frankie in this old train near "The Temple Of Birds." I got so many compliments from family and friends on it, it does have good composition, depth, and good colors. I didn't edit in anyway. I'm going to the fair on Sunday to see if I won anything. Every year that I've entered I've taken two ribbons. (I have two 1sts, one 3rd, and two 2nds.) I'll update you later. The class is about over, so I have to stop typing soon. But I am not going to yet.
Maybe I will...... NOW?

Nopesies.
ha.